i would be lying if i said there aren't times when i sincerely regret moving back to L.A. i've got some great people in my life down here, and for them i'm eternally grateful, but this just hasn't turned out how i hoped it would.

i've been trying so hard to make things happen. so hard. i've been pouring myself into all of this. and i've been met with enough apathy and negative experiences to make me question whether it's worth it to continue with any of it. there are a few people in particular who are making it really difficult for me to see why i should put so much of myself into things that they apparently couldn't care less about.

i'm not looking forward to any of this. maybe things will change. maybe not.

most of my L.A. friends don't even live in L.A. anymore. and the majority of the people i still know down here seem like they couldn't really care one way or another that i'm living in the same city as them again. i don't know what i was thinking. maybe i came back here because it felt like the safe thing to do. i always end up retreating sooner or later.
i had an amazing life in olympia. and i lost it. i moved to L.A. and lost touch with a lot of wonderful people and now i feel terrible. i lost it. and it's not something i'm going to get back.
i came back down here with one hope. and i'm not sure it was worth it.